Until Tomorrow
by shadowscometolife
Summary: Oneshot based on the song Say Something by A Great Big World. Tessa wishes she would have said something but now she has to wait until tomorrow.


**This took me forever to write. But I thought of this while I was driving home, listening to Say Something by A Great Big World and I just started bawling my eyes out. It was terribly beautiful. I hope you enjoy this because I truly enjoyed writing it.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own The Infernal Devices or any of the characters in this story. All rights belong to Cassandra Clare.**

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His slim hand lifted, trembling slightly, and grasped the bow from its case. The thinness was familiar in his grip and somehow comforted him. That at least something remains the same amidst this time of chaos. Raising the body of the violin, he rested his chin and paused. His silver eyes closed, the ghost of his eyelids had a faint blue tint. He raised his arm and set the bow to lie lightly on the strings. His mouth turned down and the corners, eyebrows scrunched together and his arm was sawing at the instrument.

_Say something I'm giving up on you_

The music was slow and fluid, like water streaming over a creek bed. The room filled with the music and cracking of the fire in the grate. The notes consumed his mind though. He really ought to be writing the letter. He knew he should be writing down all that he was feeling instead of playing the violin. But Jem was not good with words.

_I'll be the one if you want me to_

Why did he agree to do it? How did he let this happen?

Jem's fingers were shaking more and more as he continued to play. The questions were swarming his thoughts and it was becoming increasingly difficult to pay attention to what he was playing. He was too occupied with second guessing every decision he made in the past 24 hours.

He should have been the one. He should not be sitting here right now.

_Anywhere I would've followed you_

He should have gone too. He should have known better than to stay behind, no matter how badly he wanted to protect Tessa. But she would have never stayed put if he followed after. _Oh, Tessa,_ so willing to rush into battle without a second thought. Putting her well-being aside in order to protect the ones she cares about.

_Say something I'm giving up on you_

Jem let the thought of Tessa pull him out of the reverie and into the music again. The fluid melody lulled him in and out of his consciousness like the tide on the shore. It seemed to be the only thing left that could have this effect on him. The only thing that could take him away from the terrible reality of what is now his life.

_And I, I'm feeling so small_

_It was over my head_

_I know nothing at all_

Tessa lay still on her bed, staring intently at the ceiling. Her eyes did not wander as they naturally did when she was studying something. She simply lay as if she were restrained to the bed with invisible ties which allowed no movement at all. Tessa attributed that feeling of paralysis to her broken heart. Although her heart was still beating it felt as if a giant hole had been hollowed out of her chest.

The past weeks played back in her mind like a cruel form of déjà vu. Only the memories didn't have that "familiar" feeling. No, these memories were painfully vivid reenactments of the once beautiful moments of her life. The times when she felt so sure about her feelings even among the whirling confusion of Mortmain, Thomas and Agatha's death and her brother's betrayal. Now the memories just remind her of how naïve she had been. She was just introduced into the Shadowhunting world and she honestly thought she knew what was best for her new family. She was wrong.

_And I will stumble and fall_

_I'm still learning to love_

_Just starting to crawl_

What could she have done differently? She should have told him the truth instead of hiding it in order to protect him. She should have just let it out. At least then he would have known how she felt. Instead she convinced herself that it was for his own safety. Look where that's gotten them.

_You are such a fool._ Tessa could not believe that she actually thought she knew what she was doing. She was just a girl. She had no idea of the power her words held. She was a fool to think she had the answer. A fool to think that this would not come back to haunt her.

The tears were falling now but she didn't notice seeing as she had been crying all day. The warm trace they left on her cheek had gone unwiped for a while now. There was no point to wipe away the wetness when it was inevitably replaced by more tears. The salty drops pooled in a wet puddle on her pillow case and some of her hair stuck to her cheek. _I am such a fool._

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

Jem's music floated through the hallway and into Tessa's room. The melody suspended in the still air. She heard it but it didn't quite seem to make it to her ears. It was as if she was listening from a distance but she was only a few feet away. Like she was watching herself from above and experiencing everything out-of-body.

Tessa could hear the pain through Jem's violin. The notes were smooth and languid yet held a tense sadness in them. She should have been with him. She should be next to him, watching the music flow out of him and into the violin. He was beautiful when he played, at peace. But Tessa was too afraid to see him right now. Afraid that if she walked into his room she would be horrified to see how he was. That her mental picture of him peacefully playing the violin would be shattered by the image of him crying and angrily dragging at the strings.

Instead, she stared at the half finished letter that lay open upon her desk. She had been so caught up in her emotions when she first heard the news that she immediately ran to her room and wrote everything into a letter, just as she had done when she first came to London and was at the Dark Sister's house. Except she wasn't writing to Nate this time. She was writing to the only other person, save Jem, who cared about her as much as she once believed Nate did.

_And I will swallow my pride_

He was never a fan of people pitying him for his illness, nor did he want people to pity him in general. Everyone has something to live with and overcome, his is just a more unavoidable struggle. But in this moment the sadness was calling out from his heart, crying out for his mother. His father. Anybody who could sit with him and let him cry and scream and take out his anger in any way.

Anger. Anger made the soul fight harder but not always for the right reasons. For Jem, anger made his arm move faster and harder against the strings of his bow. The delicate violin was taking the beating of his harsh feelings. The atmosphere was livid with music and Jem's heaving breaths as he poured every ounce of himself into swift movements across the slender violin. The music speaking the truth of what he couldn't admit out loud.

Without realizing it, Jem's arm was tiring at the exertion of playing as passionately as he was. His arm was sawing at the violin, almost violently; the resulting music was choppy and hasty. He stopped immediately and stared down at the floor, blinking rapidly to clear the blurriness in his eyes. A few teardrops landed on the floor where he was staring and he watched them pool together. Two separate drops were pulled into one, a physical symbol of the Shadowhunter's parabatai relationship.

_You're the one that I love_

_And I'm saying goodbye_

Tessa traced her fingers over the words of her letter, the words that came out of the deepest desire of her heart. Words that she never thought she would say and now will never be able to say again. The pages of the letter were held gingerly in between her hands because she was afraid of what damage they could do if she did not hold herself back. These pieces of paper were the most precious items to her now and forever.

She sat down at the desk once again and began writing what was left of her thoughts. Holding back the sobs that threatened to rack her body any moment with all of the strength she could muster. Her hand quivered as she picked up the ink-dipped quill and began finishing the wretched letter. Every moment, every word said, every quote spoken, everything was being documented into this one letter which will never be read.

Finally, the last words were before her but she was too afraid to write them down. She knew that once the words were physically written in this letter that it would become real. That doing so would just confirm the horrible truth of what her life has become. She didn't want to face the truth, didn't want to believe it.

But she had to.

She felt empty. No she felt beyond empty. Nobody could make this better. She was lost. Beyond rescuing.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

_I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you_

_Anywhere I would've followed you_

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

The day was unusually sunny and clear for London. The blue sky definitely did not fit the day's heartbreaking event. The people of the London Institute crowded in a half circle with a few Clave members standing irregularly on the other side. A tall figure came up behind Tessa, a glittery hand resting lightly but surely on her thin shoulder. Her white dress twirled around her legs as she turned her head slightly to glance at Magnus Bane, his lips bent down at the corners.

In the silence, Jem's slight frame took a hesitant half-step forward, his white hair falling in his line of sight and blocking out everyone's somber looks. He took a deep breath that rattled his ribcage and began to speak.

_Whither thou goest, I will go;_

_Where thou diest, will I die_

_And there will I be buried:_

_The Angel do so to me, and more also,_

_if aught but death part thee and me._

Jem recited the words he knew by heart, the words he swore to in front of many people and now spoke before his family, but they had never felt truer. They have never hurt so much. He is dead. And so has he died.

He stepped forward and pulled out a crisp piece of paper from his back. There were black smudges along the lined page. Music notes. Jem had written out the music to the song he wrote for his parabatai and now solemnly held it in his grasp. Taking another deep breath, he placed the paper softly onto the wood of the casket, keeping his hand pressed to it and whispered almost inaudibly.

"For you, William, my parabatai, my brother."

_Say something, I'm giving up on you_

Tessa has felt breathless every day since she found out. She would find herself breathing in so deeply yet feeling as if she could not get enough air into her lungs. This moment only intensified that feeling. Jem returned to his previous spot and Tessa slowly walked forward to where he had just been.

Her fingers softly glided along the wood and her breath caught in her throat at how cold it was. Her other hand gripped the letter firmly to her chest as she made her way to where his heart would be. She didn't want to do this, didn't want to be here but there was nowhere else to go. There was no place she could run to, no way to escape this.

Tessa had to have some sort of closure for all of this pain. She placed the letter down next to Jem's music and paused for a moment. She traced his name that she had written on the front of the envelope, memorizing each curve like she had memorized his face. Never, would she ever, forget either.

Without knowing, she ended up on her knees in front of the casket, her dress most undoubtedly smearing with dirt, but she didn't care. Her forehead leaned against the cool, solid wood, where she spent moments in silence. All of her energy was used up and wasted, the tears tracked down her cheeks in a warm rush.

Somehow she managed to stand again, her hand still pressed to the letter. Gently leaning down, Tessa kissed the top of the casket and watched as a couple teardrops dotted the dark wood. She whispered the last thing that was left to be said.

"Goodbye," she whispered, "until tomorrow."

_Say something_

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**Wow, the tears just keep coming. I hope you guys don't hate me for writing such a depressing story but I thought it was beautiful in a way.**

**I hope you liked it. I would love to hear what you think about it in the reviews.**

**And if you like this, I am currently writing a Mortal Instruments story called To See Your Ghost.**

**Thank you for reading.**


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